exotic. touch thighs.

yeah, sorry i haven't updated at all lately. I'm so lazy, but now here it is. I can't really remember when i updated last, did i talk about how fucking sweet phil collins was? If not, it was. He opened with one of my favorite songs, "something happened on the way to heaven". From there it was just untouchable, every song, so good. yeah. I tried to be an extra in a movie last night, but got tired early and left. I got to see edward furlong walking around which was, i don't know, weird. not weird, just sureal. i see famous people and it just strikes me that they are real, walking around, eating, breathing, driving, fucking, you know. the whole deal. his head is shaved now. edward, i mean. my car is overheating. my car is not working with me. neither is my computer. they are both against me. the new interpol, although i have had it for about 2 months, is so great. i bought a copy tonight, and i really like it. this might be one of the best records i have heard this year. my high school reunion was today. is there anything more depressing than that? i can't tell. i can't imagine it. i hope i live to see the 10 year, i will go to that one. i wish i had gone to this one, and i don't know why. I have not done one thing worth talking about in the 5 years i have had. i am still waiting. for what. i don't know. i just didn't want to go and hear about success while i fucking waste away writing songs and binge drinking. although there is a poetic allure to it, it loses some charm when you describe your actions to someone who is actually doing something with their life. "oh yeah, i'm drinking a lot more, working on the same record i have been working on since 2001, spending all my money on albums and dvds, worrying more about my hair than my health, you know". i have concluded the following, having something to be excited about is the best you can hope for. Let me re-phrase that. the best i have to hope for is having something to look forward to. and that is where i am. i am excited about waking up tomorrow (hopefully), finishing what i started tonight, and then getting some indian food. that is what i have. in other news, and this is the last of my rant, is this. i am part of 20%. if i was still in high school i would be. i don't know what the percentage is anymore. i'm 23, so i have no idea what the percentage is. maybe i am part of 10% now. it can't be more than 10%. So i am separate of 90% of everyone around me. how does it feel? it feels like warm. like death. like i'm just really scared.