this is the first day of my life.

so here we are. on a sunday. after a long day. a long night. but we got by. or i should say i got by. I. singular. or how i seem to miss all the plot develoments. or how i can't stop ******* ***. for the life of me. I still ***** ABOUT ***. like the other night and all the other times. i still can't stop. i typed that without even looking, that too! i'm pretty good at this i guess. i just feel sick, and all of it can't help. i had high hopes for last night. but the best laid plans of mice and men have fallen upon the asphalt. and splinter like a cinder we can find the fragments in our skin. or shit, i don't know. and like the end of a good movie. here we are. the soundtrack. the lines we miss and then realize. the lines lay. and then sometime on your birthday, maybe the ****. or maybe i came h0me and that was the end of it. but when breeze moves the leaves we can live. just then all the sound in the world comes in. fills in the fuckes parts and shows us how to live. and how we ain't livin at all. and how we hope to just move along someday. we move to fast. on some second story, we leave it all behind. i guess i stayed too long. i guess in some room you laid. in some closet we stayed. or some or some or all i guess i just still **** ***.

this is where i thappend.

first off, i meant to do that thing in the subject. okay, i didn't, but it looked neat, and this is more of an art project than a journal anyway. So if i fuck up and you find it, don't bum out. just breeze it and keep on reading. i had to run so many errands today. and i watched two movies. i was hoping to see the incredibles or finding neverland, but blockbuster thought otherwise. I got final cut, which was fun but had one of the most abrupt endings i have ever seen. and a movie called lucky 13 with harland williams, and he's always on. i think i'm going to stay up for a while. i might watch aqua teen hunger force. i bought one of the seasons. it's black on the outside. i think its the second one. it has the one where carl and master shake get the mail order bride. so fucking good. i bought a lot of albums last week. they are all really good, and i don't regret any of them, but man. $$$. just cuts and slips through my hands. there are some things i can't wait to see. poets with paychecks. i tore the fuck out of my shoulder somewhere today. it hurts like crazy, but i think it has something to do with a man named william. i'm coming around about this album. at first it was a struggle to love, but i'm letting it do what it is supposed to do. what am i supposed to do? it's that feeling. george felt it. gob felt it. if only that thai place was twenty four hours. i would love some of that right now. i think i'll spend tomorrow alone, wandering around the city. eat somewhere i've never eaten before. i'm off work, so why spend it watching daytime television, or looking at the fucking internet? but this is it happened. this is where i thappened.

so we got it all (most)

we got it ready. i guess. emily is in town, and we're getting ready to up it at jakes. hung out at nate's and had some thai that was on. sparks and miller lite. oh my. me o my. hopefully we'll get some indian food tomorrow. i haven't had any in a good long time. the last time i had some i was so hungover i thought i was going to have a real bad anxiety attack. i was so out of sorts, but tomorrow will be better. in spirits. good. i bought so much cool stuff the other day. i haven't watched some of it, but i've been staying up late and listening to a concert from a city i was in for years and was away here. i still love em though, and think they are way good despite reviews and all that shit. man, i'm glad about so much right now. i just feel great. i think. sometimes people i consider only acqauintances ask me how i am and i'll go "great, uh, i think". They usually go "you think"? and here is tomorrow.

seventy-se-se-se-seventy times before.

what a busy day. ran tons of errands, spent tons of $$$, bought tons of cool stuff and got some presents for meredith's b-day. i was at shake it, ugh. nevermind, i was going to go off on this tangent, but i'll write it in my real journal later on. it's boring to everyone. myself included. it's all about like totally un-rad shit anyway that is for me and maybe. meredith bought me a new watch today. a long time ago i had this real cool pink watch i was way into and one night at jacobs i lost it. well we were buying shoes today and i happened to look at this rack with the same watch (although not in pink, but still). I picked out a purple one, and am way stoked on it. I also got some sweet dvds, one of which i'm gonna watch in just a few minutes. there is a part of a movie i can't stop seeing as hard as i try. i saw it 14. of a month. it still kills me. oh wait, shit. no i watched it one morning i was so bummed out i could hardly breathe and i decided to smear salt all over that fucking wound. i got up and held my guitar and watched it with as much joy as the first time i watched it. maybe. why is that? it's like this one movie got picked to make everything worse when i'm already off. cause i for real watch it every time i'm bummed out. oh well, i still love it so much. and in the end i guess that's what really matters. and hey, what's up with no one taking me up on my open invite to hang today? fuck, it was fun. i skipped the meal, but the spending was fun. maybe next time? or not, whatever.

i'll go back if you ask.

i ate a meal i mean it filled me up really. i hadn't had mediteranian food before tonight, and it was yummy. i was at a loss as to how to do whatever it is you do with your hands/food/mouth, but i guess i figured it out okay. i'm trying to think of a band name, so if you have any suggestions, send them my way. you can hit me up on myspace, or something, i don't know. or just look at a picture of me and shout as loud as you can. i'll get it. i got my copy of the united states of leland in the mail today. i had been trying to find a copy of it for some time, and decided with part of my tax money i would buy it for myself. i mean i'm worth it, right? eh, who the fuck knows, probably not, but i bought it anyway. i think i'm gonna watch it when i'm done here. finish listening to this bloc party record, look around at the internet, then get down to business. i bought some records i'm real into, and i'm going to buy more tomorrow. my eyes are killing me. too much smoke/staring at the computer/not enough sleep. oh well, i'm gonna go watch that movie. just know i love you lots and hope you're well. night!

heart rac e.

i only did it to prove i could.