just like mistkaes.

so my hands are just falling the fuck apart. really. the skin is just coming off. in a hood. splits. acting without any reason. walking around the sidewalks and icy patches. just trying to hammer out an idea. just trying to get fucked off. and i guess you get what you get what you get what you get what. i'm sorry for talking loud. i'm sorry for getting cut off. i'm sorry for making it. so may you never see it again. or do, i don't care. or i might and don't know it. or am i just talking to typing to hear see sound print.

how many lights do you see?

first off, happy birthday, Jamie. I love you lots, and i hope you had a fun time doing whatever you did today. I think it was working, which sucks, but maybe you did some sweet drugs later on or something. That aside, i got some sweet new tunes today. the same artist, just different/new songs!! and they are really truly great. Thanks for the haircut abby! it looks way better than it should, for real. I wanted to stay at the bar, but being sober and not feeling well, and smoke hurting my eyes was a drag. I'm trying to work on new songs, i guess. i remember i used to work so hard at this shit, but now it's always second to watching dvds or drinking, or looking at the internet. i really hope the thing i want to happen comes together. like so bad. i really want to own something good. and i'm excited about lunch tomorrow. and i took these great cold pills the other night that fucked me up out of my mind and i was hallucinating and talking all this crazy shit to meredith about how time wasn't working, or it wasn't moving fast or enough or some shit. The show that was on while i was sleeping was stuck in one spot the whole time i was sleeping. it was out of control. either way. thanks for the album as well abby. i probably won't listen to it for a while, since i'm kinda tied up in this other band i'm listening to lately. i promise one day i'll start listening to other bands again, and that day i will listen to the album you gave me tonight. walking talking fucking mannequins are together no more. we will learn to live somehow. someday maybe. somehow.

so full so full of joy.

sometimes something happens to a person that fills them up so much with happiness they may never be the same. well that time for me was tonight. i really just want y'all to know that sometimes i might sound sad but for right now, and most of tomorrow, and the next week and all until whenever i am just gonna be great. i mean really just great. sometimes i just feel right now i am alright. like right now, because of you. tonight.

blurry

and there you are. my evening. i love this song so much. pressed together like pages in the book. in the dark. in the every way we never payed. out. on the night to get high. we can live tomorrow. cause tonight we can die. with that i'm alright. with that i can find time. with tomorrow i can find life. cause to travel is to lie. and that's all i got. one single side. one chance to be blind. after this week we all have our pride. we can return to the normalcy of being right. or how you know i've never tried. to live to live to live with sight.

i've never been happier

today it is. what a fucking day. for real, and this is for any of you that downloaded the album. You have no idea what you missed out on. I have never had a bigger smile on my face in as long as i can remember. If you had only waited until you were actually supposed to hear it, while you read about people all over the world hearing it and ruining secrets each and every day. You would feel like i feel right now. I'm not going to type out how much this recording means to me. Just know it means the world. the rest of this is going in my journal. i just hope someone else on earth feels as happy as i am feeling right now. go ahead. 10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1. make your fun.

lay it out for everyone.

howdy, y'all. i hope this friday finds you real well. so i guess i feel like i need to say things i'm not going to say. nothing bad, really. i just can't wait for january 19th. and i hope i win the thing i really want to win. and i hope you don't get too upset. i bought a new tube of burts beeswax today. my lips have been real chapped lately, and i had to get some of that stuff, there there it is. and i'm growing my hair out. well, the front at least. i need to keep the back in order. i hate when the back is long. didn't i talk about this last time? sorry bout that. i have a tendency to rant about myself all the time. and my bullshit hair. i'm sorry. moving on. and let this rain give up for a few days. you have gotten the best of us. we've been in shitty moods, and been bummed out. let us have some sun. just so we remember what it's like. i am working on a new song. i know i say all the time this next album is the last one. and i hope it is. i do. i just think this song i'm working on is important. i really do. i just want this last record out, the last 4 years of my life have shaped this record. so shit. if i play sometime would you watch me play? i won't be like the last time. promise.

sincerely.

i've never been good at the internet. i really amn't. i didn't even know how to save music for months. look at me now though!! i can rattle off any bullshit thought in the world i have. i can just shit out any thought i have, you know? i'm still getting over my new years goings on. being a jackass and all. for falling all over, and being a lecherous piece of trash. i need the back of my hair cut. bad. i need to get my shit updated. like i need the back like a certain someone looked at a certain festival a while ago. like so new wave and shit. in that yellow shirt. singing along side that woman on none of the records. and there is that one point where said person goes "i noticed the string cheese... arrangement are playing two sets, so i feel like i can go over, it's okay". right after that said person played a really perfect song. a song i consider perfect at least. It really is something. i just hate when the back of my hair is touching my neck. it drives me fucking crazy. so yeah, i have to leave now. just yeah. did any of this make one fucking bit of sense. i just really want my hair cut so fucking bad. so.

obnoxious.

so before anything else, i really want to say sorry for anyone who had to be anywhere near me in the last 48 hours. I was a real fucking mess and i feel bad for my friends who had to be around me in that state. I guess i should have expected that new years was going to suck. Actually, i don't know if it did or not. I fucking blacked out at crush, and only remember saying stupid things and falling down. Not content to let the party die just because its daytime, i started drinking almost immeditely after waking up the next day. It was pretty pathetic, but you can't make whats happened unhappen. I did get to hang out with jamie during the day and we went to a bunch of stores. I really want to not talk about this or myself anymore. So yeah, sorry for everyone who knows me, but i really love you. I hope your new years was fun.